Kristen Park's Story

I miss her, I miss part of me, I miss…I’m missing. No matter where I go I can’t find what’s lacking. The wind, the earth, the trees and flowers, I don’t care anymore.
A life once abundant, fruitful, pregnable with pleasure, satisfaction, contentment and joy.
A distant memory. A distant dream.
All desire and will, escaped, into the realm of nothingness. All I have left is loss, a missing space, a hole of anti-fulfilment grasps me, encompasses me.
Where has she gone? Why has she gone from me?
This world, this land, me. Departed, abandoned, lost…stolen?
Faith, love, hope, life – despairing.
I cannot rest until I know; I feel and hear her again.
I am in limbo. I am in Hell. But I am on earth, in heaven, in the world. I am uncertain, I am despair and I am desire. Desire for past and future. Desire for what is part of me to be returned, without I am incomplete.
All you hear me! Fend for yourselves, I work for you no longer, energy depleted I must care for the absence; tend instead to this moment, my moment, her moment. Nothing else compares.
All you hear me! Fend for yourselves, live by yourselves dependent on yourselves or return to me what belongs to me!


Where have I landed? In what world? In what domain? In what Hell? I yearn for freedom, for the moment, for life. For death?
This man I see, this beast, this God, this spectre, shadow, foreign form has taken me over. I yearn for up, I yearn for down. My will and pure self assures me this is not my place, not meant to be my whole life. What of my other life? What distant memory – an alter-ego – an alternate realm of existence. Have I escaped restrictions of space and time? Am I now so detached from what I knew, familiarity. Family?
My mother, my earth, the flowers that bloom, the trees that shade, the peace that gleams and the life that pulls me. What I see before me, where I see before me has an unknown air. Am I to live it, feel it, know it, explore it? A new realm, new, unknown, a realm of uncertainty. Should I embrace it? Should I understand it? Should I yearn for things no longer? What is a life full of yearning, a life inadequate, a life of want? Empty? Nothing? Unsatisfactory? Bleak?
No. what life is that. Shall I? Shan’t I? What will happen? Will I forget? Will I become detached? Will I forget the love I felt from my mother? The security of love and safety, is it too safe, will it be all the same? So many questions, too many.
Yes. I must know, I must explore, I must…eat.




Where is she?
Return to me what I long for, yearn for, desire for!
Return to me what I believe to be MINE!



Welcome, welcome to my domain. Now you shall remain.
You are my wife; you and me together can live this life.
No need to think how it came to be but merely to know this is how it is for me.
I want, I take, I need, I know, but all in balance, we need not challenge what I’ve made it to be.




Six? That’s all? Six? No more?
She is tied, she is bound I can do nothing. Shackled to what she fears yet also to what she does not have but wants. The earth is barren, life dwindles and fights yet it will not be enough. The work, the power of the mother, a mother of sense for the earth, without which we cannot fight. Cannot grow. Cannot receive offerings of the earth. What then?
Six. Six. That’s all. It is enough and not.
What is wanted shall be granted.
One – a life to be rejuvenated. Granted a second chance. Once again to be fulfilled. Less wandering, less absence, something more than nothing. Yet still with an air of dissatisfaction. A portion must still be spent in limbo, for six, only six has bound her. Bound numbers of lives to this situation.
Two – a life led double. Two worlds, two realms, two needs, two thoughts. A dichotomy of desire.
Three – left much the same. Yet still only six and not more. Here a desire shall feel for longer, it was never meant to be his to take. It should be this way. He knows.
What now belongs between two worlds shall flitter between two lives. A balance, a dichotomy the way it had been made to be.